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As someone who stands on God’s Word as the only sure guide to faith and life, I would like to make the following courageous observation: meteorologists daily launch an insidious attack upon the Word of God by claiming that snow, rain, hail, and lightning are “natural” phenomenon, and not kept in heavenly storehouses waiting to be unleashed by God, as the Bible clearly says.

He makes lightnings for the rain, and he brings out the wind from his storehouses. (Jeremiah 10:13)

 Have you entered the storehouses of the snow, or have you seen the storehouses of the hail, which I have reserved for the time of trouble, for the day of battle and war? (Job 38:22-23)

We have here incontrovertible biblical proof of where snow and hail actually come from as well damning proof of the godlessness parade of misinformation to which the innocent and gullible are subject on a daily—nay, 24/7 (damn you Weather Channel)—basis.

Friends, do not be deceived.  The very truth of the Christian faith is at stake, for if any singular part falls, all else false with it.

As foolish as we may look in resisting the so-called “scientific consensus,” we are bound by Scripture, which does not err, since it is God’s Word. We are not free to “pick and choose” what parts of Scripture we agree with. Better to be mocked by man than disobey God.

[I shouldn’t have to say this, but experience suggests I provide the following disclaimer: This post makes a serious point through the use of humor, specifically, it exposes the absurdity of an argument—a literalistic reading of the creation story in Genesis—by applying its logic and premises to an analogous issue covered in Scripture—weather. If you still insist that I am either serious or mocking the Bible, you are without hope in this life. If you don’t think this is at all funny, that’s fine—you’re wrong, but that’s fine—because at least you see that humor is my aim. If you dispute the point being made, you are free—as far away from here as possible—to make your case for where snow comes from.]

[An earlier version of this post appeared in October 2013]
Pete Enns, Ph.D.

Peter Enns (Ph.D., Harvard University) is Abram S. Clemens professor of biblical studies at Eastern University in St. Davids, Pennsylvania. He has written numerous books, including The Bible Tells Me So, The Sin of Certainty, and How the Bible Actually Works. Tweets at @peteenns.